They come like flashes across the canvas of your mind without warning. You can be engaging in a very important conversation when suddenly your mood changes. You become uncomfortable. Silently grasping for air but hoping no one notices. You are in need of saving and this time it is from yourself.
Oh how swiftly our mind plays tricks on us. The optical illusions that position themselves systematically to block our sight are very misleading. We begin to see things that are no longer there. Remnants of a missed moment. Words never said. Thoughts too dangerous to express. Should have. Could have. Would have.
How do we remain confident in moments like these? How do we adhere to the command to not remember the things of the old (Isaiah 43:18)? It’s not like we willingly go back to the traumas of our past, right? Majority of the time, our traumas hunt us. They inject themselves into our present with the resemblance of smoke and mirrors. Our memories are unreliable. They are unstable at times. They change as we mature.
What if we remember incorrectly? I’m not saying that you didn’t experience what you felt, but what if your perception is so skewed that you start to reason through smeared glasses? This is the greatest assault on your confidence.
More times than not, when we encounter a familiar situation, we tend to travel back into those memories. The ones that we really want to forget but they’ve attached themselves to our psyches. How can we remain confident?
- Remember that memories can’t hurt you unless you let them. They are invisible remnants that you must turn to examine. And, each time you inspect them, they become bigger not clearer.
- Admit the point of pain. Many of us like to hide the fact that we’ve been hurt. When we do this, we destabilize our confidence. Hiding anything makes you insecure.
- Choose the future. It didn’t work then but who says it can’t work now? Your memories throw false threats to keep you from moving. Defy them.
- Remind yourself of the truth. Truth and fact are different things. The fact is that something hurt you, the truth is that you are not what you went through. Don’t allow old things to impact your present and your future.
- Ask yourself hard questions. This one is a doozy. When you question yourself, you come into a deeper revelation of things that may not have been so obvious. Ask yourself why you really stopped loving. Interrogate why you stopped living. Listen to the response your subconscious gives you. I can almost guarantee that it can be rationalized but not hold enough weight.
- Ask God for insight. We all need insight into confidence. What does having confidence really mean for you?
- Understand where you are going. Vision is stronger than failure. Adjust what you see.
These are practical things that I do to help me remain confident. I hope they resonate with you!
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I remember it like it was yesterday. We were driving back to my apartment from a museum tour and he was mainly silent. Granted, we got into a small disagreement that morning, but nothing that warranted his extended silent treatment. We were newly reconnected, and though God warned me that someone from my past would attempt to re-enter my life, I dismissed that the warning was about him.