He tricked me. I mean really tricked me into believing that he was different. Though he told me that he appreciated me and would never do me wrong, something happened to change that. He went back to her. She, the woman of his past. The one who had his heart the entire time, so why did I think that I could change him?
So many women feel this way, right? We fall for a trail of lies that only lead us into deception. So, why do we do it? Why do we think that something will change if all the signs are there? We really believe that we can turn water into wine, and that is our own fault.
I used to tell myself the above narrative. In some way, shape, form, or fashion, I truly believed that I was deceived. And, I was, but I deceived myself. I settled and it was by choice. He was fine! He was a butter scotch complexion (which isn’t usually my type), light brown eyes, white teeth and nice smile, athletic, broad shoulders, and had a voice that was beautiful. He was fine and the weakness within me–both emotionally and physically–made me want him even the more. I wanted him so badly that I brought down my expectations. Purposefully.
I bet you never thought that you would hear me admit that I settled a lot in life because I wanted to. I mean, there are several people to blame for my mistakes: my mom, my dad, my aunts, uncles, teachers, and anyone that refused to give me a chance, but that would be misleading of me. The truth is that I settled because I wanted to. Though my mouth told a different story, if you peel back to onion of my life, you will find that I am at the core of my decisions. I decided to live and date beneath who I was created to be and I did so because I didn’t know who I was.
My fractured identity lead me to this point. I wanted to be accepted. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to feel something…anything. I needed him. I thought. I needed his attention. He saw through me and capitalized on it, but I allowed him to do so. Why? Because I wanted to settle.
Can you relate?
My upcoming book Woman of Royalty: Rule From A Place of Authority, challenges women to find out who they are in an attempt to show them how they’ve been living beneath their essence. I use Esther’s life (biblical) and my story as a blueprint to show how living devoid of identity leads to traumatic experiences, decisions, and lifestyles. Don’t believe me? Order to book to find out.