In my mind, only twice I’ve wished for comfort. Though the complaints that easily roll off my tongue tell a different story, in my mind I’m not a complainer. I simply voice my discomfort in an attempt to not internally retreat when times get rough. I…think I only wish for comfort in the safety of my mind.
The truth is that every time I say that something happened at an inopportune time, it’s really me silently wishing that the cares of my life would just hold on. Every time that I close my eyes and ask God to make something change, it’s me asking him to put me back into the box that I cried to leave.
I wish for comfort more than I like to admit.
The funny thing about life is that when we wish for comfort we actually ask to remain the same. People do not grow in comfort. Lives are not changed in comfort. You do not live freely in comfort.
But living outside of it hurts too.
For the first time you may feel the breeze on your back that reminds you that no one is behind you. You may taste the tears that tell you to go forward even though their bitter sweetness give you pause. You may wonder, whether intentionally or not, whether or not you’re worth the sacrifice. See, so many times we are so concerned with letting other people know that they are worth things that we forget to remind ourselves of our worth. Unfortunately, we devalue us more than we like to admit and while we believe that we have chosen correctly, choosing comfort robs us of freedom.
So, when I ask for comfort I’m really asking for the right to remain the same. I’m really attempting to stagnate and sabotage my own progress because it hurts to change and commit to others. I’m really asking to live beneath who I am.
So now I no longer ask for comfort in the same breath that I ask for freedom. Instead, I ask for strength to change my thinking and the courage walk against the wind.