I wish someone would have told me that pursuing my purpose would put me at war with myself. What I mean is that I didn’t know that it would cause such conflict within me emotionally. Before pursuing destiny I lived a pretty predictable life. I knew when I would be emotional, I knew when I would be angry, and I even knew how I would respond in most situations. However, when I embarked upon this road of purpose my temperament changed and I shocked myself.
Walking a destiny walk can be lonely. In fact, in many respects there are times when it can be outright discouraging. There are moments when you just want to give up and go back, but you realize that there is nothing really to go back to. You’ve come too far to be satisfied with your past but that doesn’t stop you from thinking about it. Interestingly, while you’re vacillating over the past you start to feel guilty for wanting it. You start to question if God really created you to be, and why he would give you such a heavy weight.
Contrary to popular belief, destiny is heavy and uncomfortable. Sometimes we crave the end result but abhor the process. We run through classes of training using the cheat sheet of someone else’s process. I mean, if it work for such and such then it should work in this situation, right? But, what happens when you find yourself in a situation that doesn’t yield you the same results as it did your friend? What do you do when you did what the preacher said to do, but your circumstance didn’t change? You danced. You shouted. You prayed, but still have to endure.
If you’re anything like me, you may start to doubt yourself. You might wonder if you’re really saved and if so then why must you endure? You might measure yourself by other people without realizing that you have made them the god of your life. They become your idol, and you flirt with the possibility of their reality becoming yours. You become discontent as a result. You waver and question your destiny. What happens when you stop believing before you believe?
This thing called purpose will challenge you in ways that you didn’t know possible. It will strip you of identities that you once put on and it will leave you naked and vulnerable before the Father. It is like a chair being snatched from under you and before you know it you are on the floor. The mistake many of us make, myself included, is that we don’t want to bear the pain of destiny. We don’t want to evolve because that would require that we bow in quicksand and allow God to bury us. Gasping for air that destiny has snatched we have heart attacks in the emergency room of heaven as we pray, “Our Father.”
But, destiny has a purpose. It has a mystery that can only be unveiled after you have walked its cold path. It lends itself to you in the margins of your mind as it seduces you to keep moving. Tired. We keep moving. Crying. We keep moving. Cold. We keep moving.
Destiny will demand that you move even when your feet won’t. It will teach you how to walk on burning coals. It will sing to you when you are weak. Destiny will speak to you once you are on her road.
Once you are on the road to destiny