There are moments when I sit and reflect on the sphere of my influence, my interactions, friends, family, and associates. I wonder about the moments that my actions don’t align with my words, and the times when I know that I am acting less than perfect. I contemplate the moments that I’ve missed because I didn’t feel the need to pick up the phone, and even about the slight emotional changes that happen under the radar. In essence, I think about those silent moments. You know, the ones that only happen in the corners of your mind because the waves of your thoughts wash the evidence away.
It is those still moments that I’m thinking of. The times when people around you don’t notice that there is an internal war going on inside of you because you’ve mastered the art of being ok. The marginal thoughts that play in the background of your soul because you’re reluctant to offer them lip service. They keep playing over and over and over again.
I wonder if we miss moments with ourselves because we are so concerned with how we are perceived. Do we fail to show up when the alarm rings? Are we simply silent because we don’t have the verbiage or is it that we fear that if we speak then we will give life to a situation? Whether we speak or not speak life has been given.
Is there ever a point when our lips don’t lie on our hearts by whispering, “Of course, I’m fine!” (laughs nervously). Is there ever a time to avoid a situation because you fear the pain on the other side that threatens to kill you with a slow death? What happens in those silent moments? Those silent moments scare you. They hurt you. They strengthen you. They weaken you. They break you. You surrender.
This is not a picture that I’m trying to create nor is it a figment of my imagination, but it is a reality that so many of us hold daily. Silence, I’ve heard, signals strength. But, perhaps those who spoke those cliché words didn’t believe it either. Perhaps I, and so many like me, bought into the idea that if we are silent about it then we can overcome it. Maybe. But has that worked every time?
There are instances when your silence on a matter, and yes it matters, solidifies your partnership with it. In fact, you could be orchestrating the situation and not even know it. What we fail to realize in this world where we like to stay in our lane, is that nothing is black and white. Oh, how I would love for it to be, but the complexities of our lives and experiences prevent the fairytale.
And, by being silent you might, you just might, side with the opposing members.