I hear people talk about confidence a lot. In fact, it is generally in the context of reassuring themselves that they have what it takes to complete a task. When speaking with other people I often hear them almost dare the other individual to “have confidence.” Lately, I’ve begun to wonder what that actually means, and how do we get to a place where we “have confidence?” After thinking for a while I discovered that it is not a magic formula but confidence is formed in the most unlikely situations. Pain.
Oftentimes we shy away from painful things. Personally, I don’t have a very high tolerance for pain; however, in trying to figure out how to explain to someone about confidence, the only thing I kept returning to was this. Pain inevitably produces confidence. This may sound crazy but it does. Let me explain. When we are placed in situations that hurt, that test our character, that make us cry, we are left vulnerable. In many instances, we try to cover up the vulnerability with other things such as another person. However, if we don’t attempt to bring someone else in our mess, we grow. During the season of growing, things begin to shift, uproot and dissipate. At the end you are left only with you, the you that probably rarely gets shown to anyone.
I’ll admit that I just gained confidence in myself recently. Now, this doesn’t mean that I am confident in every area of my life; but it does mean that in some areas I am pretty solid. When I exited a serious relationship a while back I didn’t really know who I was anymore. I had conformed to the woman he wanted me to be even though I didn’t fit the mold effortlessly. So when it ended I had forgotten about who I was born to be. I had to find her honestly and it took years of uncovering. I’m not really sure exactly when it happened though, I do know that when I looked for my confidence it was there.
Oftentimes we shy away from painful things.
Confidence is one of the most important attributes about yourself. It fits perfectly in every area of your being. Have you ever seen someone who was timid and shy, have you read their body language as weird and unappealing? Well that’s how you are on the inside if you don’t have confidence. You many be unstable in some areas as well.
Here’s the lesson: Don’t run away from the fruitful painful situations that you may be in because they will produce inner strength. Don’t short-circuit the process because it ma cause a deformity. Don’t wish that you were someone else because their life isn’t compatible with yours, if it were you would be living it. Do take the times to find out the areas where you are a little insecure. Do trust that you have something to offer. Do look for opportunities to be better. Do take time and rest because growing confidence will wear you out.
So I leave you with this: if you want confidence you can have it, but it’s only yours if you reach out and take it.