Got Friends?

I hear a lot of women say that they “don’t do women.” This colloquialism signals the understanding that they don’t have a lot of female friends for whatever reason. Generally, the women would give their reasons for their decisions but the most common reason was excessive drama–“I don’t do drama.” While drama can be taxing, irritating and just downright ugly, I’m always at awe by what is at stake when we isolate ourselves from other women. I, of course, was one of the main people who “didn’t do drama” and in not doing drama, I didn’t do life successfully either.

The bible tells us that if we want friends we must show ourselves friendly (Prov. 18:24), yet we struggle with this for several reasons. My main reason for keeping my circle tight and small–outwardly because I didn’t do drama–was because I was an undercover hater. At one point in my life I would have a circle of friends with whom I would stand out. Meaning, I would be the best in my circle but secretly angry because they were consistently pulling from me and I wasn’t benefitting from being their friends. During that time I was shown the true intentions of my heart, I didn’t want friends I wanted people to manipulate and outshine. And, needless to say those friendships ended quickly.

Now, I’m not suggesting that you get a large group of friends and you bear all our secrets, nah that would be insane. What I am suggesting is that you check your friends and your circle to see why you are connected to those people. There were times where I would feel lonely even around large groups of people because we weren’t doing life together in an upward manner. I would be in upward mobility while they would be coasting. The difference in motion caused friction in our dealings and the strain of the relationship could not withstand the test of time.

Today I take friendships more seriously. If you are truly a friend to someone you must also bear their burdens, be available to them in ways that you don’t want to, sit up at night on the phone with them, pray for them, fast for them, intercede for them. Give the weight of friendship or any relationship you will choose wisely and understand the responsibility of the union. So many times, people get into relationships for their own selfish desires and it is in those instances that the relationship crumbles. Unfortunately, many do not know the severity and beauty of doing life with people. For this reason dysfunctional relationships are on the rise. It is never how you can benefit from a friendship or relationship but how you can benefit the other person.

If we keep this in mind, “the drama” will move to the back burner and no longer be the sole reason why we disqualify others from our life. Yes, you will have comrades, constituents and the crowd, people you reach on different levels, but you will always have  peace knowing that you are doing justice in the life of someone else.

Check your friendships but more importantly check your heart.

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