I used to be a woman who tried to make herself ok with being in the grey area. You know that area that you aren’t in a relationship but giving the person relationship benefits. Ultimately the lukewarm area that threatens your present and your destiny. Though the grey area was always an uncomfortable one, because at any time the person could say “but we an together”and that could potentially shatter my emotions. I used to put myself in this area because I tried to force myself to believe that I am ok with a piece of man rather than a whole man. How silly of me.
When women put themselves in the grey area we give up on our worth long before a man does. We run, skip and jump towards potential instead of stability. We hope that he will change his ways and choose us. But it is we that need to change. Our minds are so messed up that we honestly believe that if I give this man my body he will want to be in that relationship and that relationship will end in marriage. Seriously? When I write it on paper I see how dysfunctional my thoughts were.
Sometimes we get blinded by the images and imaginations we build in our head. Even when the bible tells us to cast down imaginations, we still hold them as superior. We hope that we will be the exception to the rule. That maybe, just maybe if I write my love story things will turn out the way I want them. Selfish thinking reaps selfish consequences.
The grey area in any relationship is an optional area. We willingly place ourselves in the fire hoping we won’t get burned, we crucify our dreams to the back of another human being despite the understanding that they can’t handle the burden. We task others with the horrible command to medicate us even when we know that they are hurting. The grey area is a mixture of pain, suffering, torture and mental tormenting. It’s the only area that is unstable, yet we try to stabilize in quick sand. It is we who betray ourselves by kneeling in the land of uncertainty while praying that God make a way for us to be happy.
Sister, the only way to be happy is to stay on the sidewalk. Safety, is when you are walking in your designated zone and don’t run into traffic. There is a reason why the side walks aren’t in the street, right? If we think of the grey area as the street then we will see its danger for pedestrians. It’s not worth it. You’re hurting you more than you’re willing to admit, and it’s not the other person that you’re angry at; it’s really the woman staring back at you in the mirror silently yelling “YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS!”