I often wonder how much people internally struggle with who they project outwardly and who they are inwardly. While I realize that not everyone may have this struggle, I do. Can you relate to being torn between being culturally relevant and aware of who you are? It seems that the buzz phrase these days is “Keep it real” or “keep it 100.” What’s interesting is that in keeping it “100” we have to face the truth about ourselves. We have to tell the story of how we are often afraid of life’s challenges, how we are at constant war between who we are and where we want to be. We have to be HONEST.
Being honest requires that we/you/I acknowledge my flaws and own certain responsibilities that might not be ideally to own. I used to blame a lot of my problems on the fact that I grew up in a single parent home and my dad wasn’t as present as I wanted him to be, or thought he should be. In using other things/people as a scapegoat I constantly gave away my right to choose and the power that I possessed. In my failure to acknowledge that I, an adult, was now responsible for my life, I constantly tasked others with the responsibility of making me whole.
I think it’s very easy for us to play the blame game. I sure did! I blamed so much n so many people because I couldn’t yet realize that I was jacked up. I remember a time when I would do things that I knew not to do, but because I didn’t have this or that growing up, I reasoned that I DESERVED it. Y’all know what I mean? Ultimately, you can insert anything into the category of “deserved” and come up empty. Truthfully, the only thing I really deserved was wholeness and it wasn’t something I was willing to fight for.
Daily, I have to remind myself that it’s ok not to be ok. It’s ok to sit in my truth, my pain, and my happiness, and be at one with those feelings. I had to learn that I couldn’t get away from myself, no matter hoe hard I tried. SO this is what I’ve started doing in hopes of being more authentic
- I read a spiritual book a month. Now my spiritual interests are wide and far, anywhere from spiritual warfare to prophets. I like knowledge and gaining insight, so I just read read read. However, in reading a spiritual book, more times than not, I become more in tune with who I am becoming. I can sense the shifts, I know when I’m off track and what steps to take to get back on track.
- I read a bible chapter daily. Sometimes I slack off and don’t red the bible. And that’s not ok. However, I do try my best to read a chapter and do the S.O.A.P devotional method. That’s really been helping me out.
- I have alone time with myself. I’ve just recently implemented this into my routine. In my alone time, I interrogate things that I might be feeling. Ultimately, I take inventory of my thoughts and emotions and attempt to sort through things. This usually leads me to number 4.
- I pray. Now praying has become increasingly hard for me to do lately. Honestly, sometimes I just don’t want to pray. Have you ever felt like this? When I feel like this, I take off my “prayer cap” (have you teacher ever told you to put on your thinking cap) and just have a straight up convo with God. I stop trying to strategize the prayer and just be honest. Like “God I honestly don’t know what to do, and if you don’t help me soon it might be a disaster down here”
- After all that I try to remind myself that nothing just happens, that I am here to help people and if only one person is touched by my presence, it will be ok.
These steps seem practical enough right? But they aren’t. Try them out and let me know how easily you move through them.